11 Reasons why I should be made the President:

1. I do not pronounce 'v' as 'b' or 'a' as 'o' (eg. Its Saurav not Shoraabh!
2. I am < 96 years old.
3. I can sit without doing anything for decades let alone 5 years.
4. I swear I will spend less than 1/10th or may be even 1/100th of Rs. 200 crore on my travel costs unlike   others.
5. I will not leave presidency If in case any other fictitious higher post comes into existence (Ref: Leave Finance Ministry and bicker for Presidency)
6. I will not only fly in a Jet fighter aircraft but also Chandrayaan 6 and become the first president on Moon.
7. I can be a rag doll and be motionless for hours.
8. I will make sure that my offspring get less than 100Cr of benefits from my post.
9. I am used to listening to shit and not reacting to it.
10. Even in general life my opinion is not counted let alone politics and ministries.
11. I can superficially lead the Army, Navy and Air Force and yet have no control over them.